im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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