You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
