just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
