If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
