Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
