September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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