I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
