I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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