yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
