Do you still have your period?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
