Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
