just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
