is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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