If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
