I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
