Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
