those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it because I queefed?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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