make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
