I just cut my nipple shaving
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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