why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
