i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
