We won't sleep together?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
