haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
