i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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