Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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