when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
