I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
