Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
