I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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