my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
