I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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