Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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