You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
