we have officially lost it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
