so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
