Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
