she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
