Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
