It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
