do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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