So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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