i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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