She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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