I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
