i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
