32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
