if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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