Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
