I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
