And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
