At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
