She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
