here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
