i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
