I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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