just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
